|Me outside my new house!|
A lot of people who's blogs I follow have had surgery recently and it has been great to watch and hear about each individuals recovery process but I am just so scared. I was sat reading some recent updates on my lunch and almost burst in to tears, I'm absolutely petrified. I guess having the house to focus on has sort of made me push all of the jaw surgery stuff to the back of my mind, but now my house is mine and I'm almost finished with tidying up the loose ends it has just come flooding to the front and I don't know what to do.
I know that this is the right decision and I will be better off, physically, emotionally and mentally after, but I just cant seem to control this terror that I'm feeling at the minute. It starts in my belly and rises up to my chest then lodges at the back of my throat and threatens to burst out through my eyes in a huge flood of tears. I feel scared about everything, the operation, the drips, the swelling, the medication, the results, the swelling, bruising, nausea, bordem, recovering, missing work, my MBA, catching up with work, not eating, eating again, chewing... the list goes on.
I feel terrible, whenever I express my worry to people the standard response is "Don't worry, it will be worth it after, you'll feel better then..." etc etc and it really winds me up! yes, it will be worth it, I know that it will be, I have that bit solid in my brain, understood 100% or I wouldn't be where I am today, but that doesn't help me now. I get so annoyed with that response, but what else can people say?! I don't know what I want them to say, they can't say anything to make me feel better really.
It isn't up to everyone else to make me feel better, It's up to me, to get my shit together and not be so stupid and so panic ridden. I'll get there, I'm probably just a bit tired and drained from the move and all that stress and this has just gotten on top of me. My sad cat face will be gone soon enough!