Wednesday, 31 July 2013

I'm a home owner! A very scared home owner

I completed on my house last Thursday yaaaaay! So this weekend and beginning of this week has been mainly sorting and moving stuff in to my new house. I'm getting my carpets fitted tomorrow and a load of Ikea furniture delivered on Friday, might have to throw a flat pack party this weekend!

Me outside my new house!

Now as much happiness and excitement this house brings me, it has also sparked a rather large panic within me. Not because I'm a real life adult now with actual responsibilities and bills I have to pay, but because surgery is soon (ish, I'm scheduled for 22nd Oct but no official letter yet) and this is the house I will be recovering in.

A lot of people who's blogs I follow have had surgery recently and it has been great to watch and hear about each individuals recovery process but I am just so scared. I was sat reading some recent updates on my lunch and almost burst in to tears, I'm absolutely petrified. I guess having the house to focus on has sort of made me push all of the jaw surgery stuff to the back of my mind, but now my house is mine and I'm almost finished with tidying up the loose ends it has just come flooding to the front and I don't know what to do.

I know that this is the right decision and I will be better off, physically, emotionally and mentally after, but I just cant seem to control this terror that I'm feeling at the minute. It starts in my belly and rises up to my chest then lodges at the back of my throat and threatens to burst out through my eyes in a huge flood of tears. I feel scared about everything, the operation, the drips, the swelling, the medication, the results, the swelling, bruising, nausea, bordem, recovering, missing work, my MBA, catching up with work, not eating, eating again, chewing... the list goes on.

I feel terrible, whenever I express my worry to people the standard response is "Don't worry, it will be worth it after, you'll feel better then..." etc etc and it really winds me up! yes, it will be worth it, I know that it will be, I have that bit solid in my brain, understood 100% or I wouldn't be where I am today, but that doesn't help me now. I get so annoyed with that response, but what else can people say?! I don't know what I want them to say, they can't say anything to make me feel better really.

It isn't up to everyone else to make me feel better, It's up to me, to get my shit together and not be so stupid and so panic ridden. I'll get there, I'm probably just a bit tired and drained from the move and all that stress and this has just gotten on top of me. My sad cat face will be gone soon enough!


  1. Natasha that is so exciting! congrats! I cant wait to see pictures and hear about the whole moving process, it's going to be so nice having your own place to go home to, decorate how you want it and make your own! Your surgery is coming up so fast, so much has been changing in your life I can see how it can be overwhelming. Just remember how bad ass you are and you will have no problem getting through it all :)

  2. Congrats on your house! I spent a lot of time before my surgery date thinking I was going to freak out but when the day came I stopped and somehow didn't worry at all. I think it's because I realised I had waited long enough for the op and I was just eager to be on the other side, like a cheesy 'my time has come' moment from a film. The swelling and numbness is inevitable so food is the only thing that has bothered me so far. Trying to pick something to eat when I have no appetite has been the only hard part so I would suggest planning meals that you can eat in advance so you won't have to worry about it afterwards. You just bought a house so you can do anything! :)

  3. That is amazing Natasha! You're so independant! You bought this house and clearly are working hard on it- You can do this, you can certainly have a bit of surgery ;) You'll be fine - I actually wish I'd had my house to myself whilst I was recovering - You need the quiet, and they chance to do things your way!

    Post some pictures of your house!


  4. Thank you all for the help, support and advice! I'm starting to not feel so panicked about surgery! I think everything just got on top of me and I had a moment of self doubt and panic. Going to see my ortho next week so I'm starting to look forward to that and try and push surgery fears to the back of my mind for now.

    I'll take some pics and put them up soon Sophie Leigh, got problems with my electrics at the minute so I cant live there! Driving me mad, but hey, these things are sent to try us! x