Wednesday, 29 May 2013

1 year in Braces!!!

Well, well, well, 1 year in braces!

This time 1 year ago I was so nervous and a bit excited about going to the orthodontist to get my braces on. It was a big step, one that I knew I couldn't go back from only forward. And here I am a year later, with a massive underbite, horrible persistent jaw ache, a profile/face that I strongly dislike at times but with proposed surgery date of October 22nd to fix it all!

I'm being a bit mean to myself at the minute, got a bit of a sad face on about my stupid face. I've just had a few nasty comments recently and seen some un-flattering pictures of my profile and I just cant seem to shake the negative thoughts at the minute. It started a few weeks back when I was leaving the bank after just being accepted for a mortgage all by myself (yaaaaay! I'm buying a house) so I was rather happy and pleased to say the least and I took probably no more than 4 steps out the bank and 2 grown men walking by, stopped, pointed at me and shouted "Fucking hell love look at the size of your chin" Lovely.

What did I do, just kept on walking as they carried on laughing. I was so upset and I remember thinking to myself "Great, here's another moment in my life that my face has ruined" by the time I got back to my car I just wanted to cry and go home and get in bed and refuse to come out ever again. During that short walk back to my car I had convinced myself that I was some horrible freakish disgusting mess that deserved to be shouted at in the street due to my offensive face. I had a little cry, then remembered that my face didn't ruin that moment for me 2 low life idiots did, and off I went back to work.

Although I no longer think I'm a horrible freakish disgusting mess, I am struggling to shift the sadness and some of the negative thoughts this time round. I think I just want to be able to walk down the street without fear of someone shouting something at me, I don't want any more moments spoilt by some idiot because I have a different face.

I feel sad that I have to listen to that and I'm tired of picking myself up and trying to convince myself that I'm ok, I'm not horrible to look at, I feel embarrassed for people around me when it happens and even when it doesn't I feel embarrassed for them sometimes just being with me, I'm fed up of deleting pictures of myself, I've had enough of pretending that they are not shouting something about me and I feel angry that in order to stop this from happening I have to have surgery. If my face stayed the same it would still happen no matter where I was, the only way I wont have comments and abuse thrown at me is to change my face. I want to grab those idiots by their hair and scream right in their face "I am having my face cut up and broken and put back together so nasty pathetic people like you don't make me feel like shit any more" Not sure what reaction I would get from that, probably nothing and it probably wouldn't make me feel any better. so I will just carry on with my let it go approach and wait patiently for the day I don't have to worry and always carry around a reserve of positive energy just in case someone makes a horrible comment.

I would of liked this 1 year in braces post to be a bit more positive, but this is the reality of having an underbite and going through Orthognathic surgery, some days are worse than others and this seems to be a bad few weeks for me and my self esteem. I am off for 10 days in the Turkish sun with my brother, so hopefully that will make me feel better and I'm sure I will return and look at this post and think why were you so sad then you silly billy!

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

My new Bracey Friends

As i mentioned in an earlier post, I have been extremely fortunate enough to discover 4 other women in my local area that are also going through Orthognathic surgery. We have met up a couple times now and it really is lovely to have a group of ladies to see and to discuss the ups and downs of this process, the fears, worries, hopes, funny stories and to support each other through it.

2 of my lovely ladies are going in for surgery this month, 1 on Wednesday and one next Friday. We met last night and they talked us through their pre ops, meetings with the surgeons and orthodontists, what they were having done, what they had packed, what they had ready for when they come home, what foods they had prepared, and what medication they were looking to take.

On my way home it dawned on me that both of there approaches, answers, topics of discussions, fears and surgery's were quite different. I guess it makes sense really, we are all having a similar operation on paper, but our faces are individual to us, unique, so our surgery will be slightly different, our recovery will be unique to us, how quickly our body heals, how resilient our minds are to pain, boredom  fear, worry, anxiety. It helps to hear and read other peoples experiences, I think it helps to prepare you, after all knowledge is the best weapon against fear!

Another thing that made me think last night was how lucky I am not to have children and be going through this surgery. Both women spoke about how they were explaining to their children what was going to happen to mummy and trying to get them prepared for the visual and physical effect the surgery will have on them. It must be really difficult to prepare children, especially young ones, and then trying to be mum during your recovery when you probably don't feel up to it. So big major respect to all the mummies and daddies out there who go through this surgery.

Here is our group pre-op picture (I'm on the left, went straight from work hence the more formal attire!)

The lady in green and the lady back right are going for surgery this month. Next time we meet up there will be another picture with 2 of us post op! So exciting!!!!

I'm off to see my orthodontist today so hopefully, fingers crossed I will get a confirmed date! If not I have my surgeon's secretary's direct dial number, so she will be getting phoned every day till I have a date. :-)

Will update later eather either way.
Much love to all xxx

P.S I go on holiday in 9 days! sooooooooooooo excited!!!!!

Friday, 3 May 2013

Long overdue!

Eeeeek! It's been ages since my last post!

Not much and so much has happened since then.

The not much is;

  • I don't have an official surgery date yet (don't think it's May any more!)
  • I still have my braces on
  • They are still cutting my lips, cheeks and sporadically pissing me off
  • Still working like a super hero
  • Still single (and enjoying it)
  • Still looking forward to surgery
  • Still enjoying life
  • Still remaining positive!
  • Still not eaten Skittles! (miss them so much) 

The so much that has happened is;

  • Had two extra brackets fitted very back teeth on top - took Mum and Dad along to that appointment so they could see what I do, very proud of me for sitting so still and being brave (I know, I'm not 7, I'm 24 but I'm a wimp!) 
  • My teeth have moved - They move all the bloody time and probably only by a mm if that but every time it is such a big deal to me and my mouth and my speech! 
  • I've had braces on for 11 months!!!! 
  • I have met up with a small group of women who live in my local area, who are all going through Orthognathic surgery (some for overbites and underbites) and we all share the same Orthodontist! very lovely ladies, great fun having a chat and sharing stories and experiences and reasons for having the surgery. Will do a proper update on this at some point.
  • Been having really bad jaw ache/pain for the last month, has been awful, really difficult to concentrate at work, think that has what has annoyed me most about it. i feel like I'm trying to maintain a normal life throughout all this and it just crossed the line and came and made my working day increasingly difficult and stressful. So my usual over the counter does of ibuprofen doesn't work any more nor do heat pads, so I went to the doctors this morning and he has prescribed me some stronger pain killers and said that i was definitely doing the right thing by having surgery, it should help it but may not completely remove the jaw ache problem. Wished me well and said to try the stronger tablets and if I need more or a different kind just come on back and he will do what he can to help me manage the pain till i have my surgery  Very lovely doctor, I have a total doctor crush going on! Might go back next week :-) 
  • Looking at buying a house! Tres excited!
  • Going to officially hound my Orthodonist and the Hospital to get my surgery date as I have so much I need to get in place at work with interns etc before I have it done, stressing me out! 
  • Going on holiday with my wonderful brother in 3 weeks and 4 days!!!!!!!! 
Hope everyone is well and recovering from surgeries and tightenings and is coping well with normal day to day life with all this going on! 

Enjoy your weekends and for us UK-ers Wahoooooo Bank Holiday weekend and it's sunny! OMG never thought I would see the sun again! 

Much Love and teppee Brushes to all! x