Well, well, well, 1 year in braces!
This time 1 year ago I was so nervous and a bit excited about going to the orthodontist to get my braces on. It was a big step, one that I knew I couldn't go back from only forward. And here I am a year later, with a massive underbite, horrible persistent jaw ache, a profile/face that I strongly dislike at times but with proposed surgery date of October 22nd to fix it all!
I'm being a bit mean to myself at the minute, got a bit of a sad face on about my stupid face. I've just had a few nasty comments recently and seen some un-flattering pictures of my profile and I just cant seem to shake the negative thoughts at the minute. It started a few weeks back when I was leaving the bank after just being accepted for a mortgage all by myself (yaaaaay! I'm buying a house) so I was rather happy and pleased to say the least and I took probably no more than 4 steps out the bank and 2 grown men walking by, stopped, pointed at me and shouted "Fucking hell love look at the size of your chin" Lovely.
What did I do, just kept on walking as they carried on laughing. I was so upset and I remember thinking to myself "Great, here's another moment in my life that my face has ruined" by the time I got back to my car I just wanted to cry and go home and get in bed and refuse to come out ever again. During that short walk back to my car I had convinced myself that I was some horrible freakish disgusting mess that deserved to be shouted at in the street due to my offensive face. I had a little cry, then remembered that my face didn't ruin that moment for me 2 low life idiots did, and off I went back to work.
Although I no longer think I'm a horrible freakish disgusting mess, I am struggling to shift the sadness and some of the negative thoughts this time round. I think I just want to be able to walk down the street without fear of someone shouting something at me, I don't want any more moments spoilt by some idiot because I have a different face.
I feel sad that I have to listen to that and I'm tired of picking myself up and trying to convince myself that I'm ok, I'm not horrible to look at, I feel embarrassed for people around me when it happens and even when it doesn't I feel embarrassed for them sometimes just being with me, I'm fed up of deleting pictures of myself, I've had enough of pretending that they are not shouting something about me and I feel angry that in order to stop this from happening I have to have surgery. If my face stayed the same it would still happen no matter where I was, the only way I wont have comments and abuse thrown at me is to change my face. I want to grab those idiots by their hair and scream right in their face "I am having my face cut up and broken and put back together so nasty pathetic people like you don't make me feel like shit any more" Not sure what reaction I would get from that, probably nothing and it probably wouldn't make me feel any better. so I will just carry on with my let it go approach and wait patiently for the day I don't have to worry and always carry around a reserve of positive energy just in case someone makes a horrible comment.
I would of liked this 1 year in braces post to be a bit more positive, but this is the reality of having an underbite and going through Orthognathic surgery, some days are worse than others and this seems to be a bad few weeks for me and my self esteem. I am off for 10 days in the Turkish sun with my brother, so hopefully that will make me feel better and I'm sure I will return and look at this post and think why were you so sad then you silly billy!
It's funny, I had a very similar thing last year. I was at college, waiting around with my old group (I got bored of their bitching and left) and someone asked where I was. A guy there, an arrogant and egotistical bloke who, as head-boy, had become a little big for his boots, looked directly at me and then continued to describe my facial features to my group. The one which struck me was the "big chin". It was the first time anyone I knew ever had said something about it and I felt like shit for the whole day. Like you said, maybe 6/8 months and you'll be all through with it :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is what I love about being able to share experiences with people like you; you get it, you've been through it, and and its true, the shit feeling you felt that day doesn't go away, it comes back every time you think about it, or every time you have a photo taken and you cringe at the profile you have next to those with 'normal' sized jaw/chin.
ReplyDeleteI think you're super brave and ahve the right approach - When I reached a year with braces I still couldn't talk about the hurt I felt when people made fun of me, and I certainly couldn't laugh it off, but now, I think cause surgery is so close, if I get stared at, I literally say 'Yeah, my face isn't symmetrical so they're gonna break it so I can look normal for you :)' and I hate to give them credit at all, but if it weren't for the delightful kids in school who compared my chin to a penis(!), or the boy who wouldn't go out with me cause 'there's just something up with her face', then I wouldn't have reached breaking point, and I wouldn't have booked my first appointment at the doctors about surgery.
Roll on Surgery!! we'll all be laughing about it ....well, so long as we're not wired shut!
Hi Natasha - I think that next time you do get a comment like that from an asshole, that maybe you should something like you thought - if it's in public, it may just embarrass the hell out of them & make them feel like the tossers they are. If you do it calmly, but sternly and matter of fact - you may find you walk away taller since you've chosen to leave their garbage with them (rather than pick it up and take it with you). Keep your lovely chin up!! And have fun in Turkey:)
ReplyDeleteHey Natasha,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about ignorant people. I understand everything you're going through. It has not been a cup of tea for me either, and probably for everyone with an underbite. But that's why we create a community with people who understand what we are going through. I am deeply sorry and very disturbed by such childish actions. I hope you enjoy Turkey and that time will speed up so you finally get your surgery over with!
Just think about how after surgery you are going to have a made to measure perfect jaw and they will be stuck with whatever one they were born with! There's a story on the daily mail website today about women in South Korea having double jaw surgery for little to no medical reasons just to acheive the perfect face, the amount of inacuracies in the story about the operation and in the comments shows that people will always think they understand a situation and make judgements when in fact they dont know half of it.
ReplyDeleteHere's a link if you interested: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2332785/Dangerous-double-jaw-surgery-rise-South-Korea-women-encouraged-face-risks-bone-cutting-procedure-beauty.html
:)
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DeleteFirst, CONGRATULATIONS - wow, a mortgage all by yourself!!
ReplyDeleteYour experience was heartbreaking. I can't imagine why anyone would make a comment like that. When I see your photos, I see quite a beautiful lady.
I hope the intervention with braces and surgery brings you relief in these types of occurrences.
When I was little, some younger kid told me I looked like an alien. It stayed with me forever...and it shouldn't have. Staying focused on the positive, like you are so graciously doing, will definitely help you pull through.
Thank you all so much for your lovely comments, i really appreciate all your support and kind words, it means a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling much more relaxed sat by the beach with a glass of wine, in the sun with my brother.
Much bracey love to all from me and turkey x
ONE YEAR! oh my goodness you have made it through a whole year, you are inspiring :) I hope you know that you are beautiful and wonderful and if anyone tells you other wise you have your blogger family here to kick some ass or cheer you up, because we all think you are fantastic!
ReplyDeleteOhhh girl i feel for you so much! I myself am 1.5 year in braces with underbite that only gotten worse on purpose for a year. from 0.5 mm difference to 7!
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how it changed me. Guys i meet with stop our relationship after they see me in public. I feel as if i could never trust man again. Because they will only want me if I’m pretty. I want to be wanted for who i am inside!
Funny thou I had never been shouted openly like that, But there were times when I passed and people laughed and whispered.
My surgery is in July.
Hold on!
If you feel like shit and wanna talk about it write me am email.
Also about age. Im 26.5 so your not the only one stuck like that in an "old" age.
ReplyDeleteAnd you look ok besides that. I on the other hand need to fix my nose after that :-p