We were two lovely people, together, just heading in different directions, wanting different things out of life and the relationship. He hadn't changed and grown with me as I had hoped he would.
In the next 6 months or so I am going to change again, quite dramatically after my surgery. I don't doubt for a second that my outlook on life will change, I will change physically, I will change emotionally and I think I will struggle to come to terms with some of the psychological implications of having double jaw surgery, of finally getting rid of something that has caused me so much pain and hurt but something that is fundamentally a huge part of me, and I love me. So it's kind of bittersweet, getting rid of my current face, jaw & chin and replacing it with a new one that will improve my life and my looks.
He just wasn't right for me, I wasn't convinced that he would be able to cope with that huge change in me and support me through it, I felt like it would be the other way round. I would be supporting him through my changes. A few comments had been made and a few of his fears had been expressed over the past few months and I don't think ill of him for having those feelings or making those comments. He was honest and that's all I ever asked of him. They were just not what I wanted or expected to hear from my partner.
So I'm going it alone, and you know what, I feel good. I feel like a weight has been lifted, like I just have me to worry about and look after and consider. I'm having my bloody face cut up and broken and moved around, I should just be worrying about me and nobody else!
So as the wise and wonderful Nina Simone sang;
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life for me
And I'm feeling good