We were two lovely people, together, just heading in different directions, wanting different things out of life and the relationship. He hadn't changed and grown with me as I had hoped he would.
In the next 6 months or so I am going to change again, quite dramatically after my surgery. I don't doubt for a second that my outlook on life will change, I will change physically, I will change emotionally and I think I will struggle to come to terms with some of the psychological implications of having double jaw surgery, of finally getting rid of something that has caused me so much pain and hurt but something that is fundamentally a huge part of me, and I love me. So it's kind of bittersweet, getting rid of my current face, jaw & chin and replacing it with a new one that will improve my life and my looks.
He just wasn't right for me, I wasn't convinced that he would be able to cope with that huge change in me and support me through it, I felt like it would be the other way round. I would be supporting him through my changes. A few comments had been made and a few of his fears had been expressed over the past few months and I don't think ill of him for having those feelings or making those comments. He was honest and that's all I ever asked of him. They were just not what I wanted or expected to hear from my partner.
So I'm going it alone, and you know what, I feel good. I feel like a weight has been lifted, like I just have me to worry about and look after and consider. I'm having my bloody face cut up and broken and moved around, I should just be worrying about me and nobody else!
So as the wise and wonderful Nina Simone sang;
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life for me
And I'm feeling good
Natasha, you are a brave, strong lady - good for you!!
ReplyDeleteThank you Ellie!
DeleteThank you for your advice yesterday Natasha. Your quote was very apt! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteLike Ellie says, you are very strong and I admire your strength of character. I hope you find someone who supports you in a way you deserve to be supported x
Thanks Corrinne, I will find my man one day! :-) x
DeleteNatasha your strength throughout this whole process is so inspiring. It will definitely be a change, but it will be for the best. You get to grow and change and be who you are without anyone effecting your decisions. If you ever need anything you have your blogger friends here for you! Music and quotes always helps me through any troubles that I'm facing in life. Sending hugs your way!
ReplyDeleteAwww Cassie, thank you for you're kind words and hugs :-)
DeleteIt was a big decision, but I made an even bigger and harder one eight months ago when I got my braces on!
I've done the right thing, and you're right I can be who I want to be without having to consider someone else in process.
This was a beautiful post! What a better, clearer sign that you DO love yourself than being able to end a relationship that you could've manipulated into working, but chose to end and say instead, "Nah, not for me. Onward." You are a woman who knows her worth. More refreshing than you'd think. Also, your quote reminded me a video I saw recently. I can't help but post the link to it here for you. I hope you watch it, and then lock yourself in your bedroom and sing it out loud to yourself, about your own love for yourself! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZFQgqhNoEI
ReplyDeleteThank you for your lovely comment Adrienne, It took me some time to get to where I am today, to love myself and be happy with me. But I'm there now and I'm not letting go of me!
DeleteThat is such a good song for me! And I dance around like that all ready. :-)