Monday, 16 September 2013

New Surgery Date

I got a letter through he post on Saturday with my pre op date and time stuff and then a letter with it saying when my surgery is, and they have moved me forward a week to 16th of October. I know its only a week, but I did what any good wimp did and cried. I just went into panic, and thought it was too soon, and was scared, upset, excited, worried, scared and scared again.

But after a cuddle and the most loveliest words from my man (btw got a new man :-) hehehehe!) and these are the words that he has repeated to me from the first day I told him about my surgery and although it's hard, I think I'm starting to believe him.

"You are beautiful now, and you will be beautiful then" 

Then I phoned my mum and dad and spoke to my dad for a bit, and he also had some very wise words for me;

"You have 4 weeks to go till your operation, then you have 4 weeks of feeling a bit rubbish, then you have four weeks of feeling better, then you have the rest of your life Natasha." 

So well done to the men in my life for sorting my scared little head out and helping me. I am still scared, I've been walking round work feeling sick all day, my stomach has been in knots with nerves, who knows what I will be like on surgery day! I'll probably have to be carried in because I would of passed out from terror outside the hospital grounds. No, I'm sure my brain will work its magic and I will be fine and all calm, composed and ready for it come the 16th. 

It's really difficult to describe to people how you feel about your upcoming double jaw surgery, because on one hand I cant wait, I'm excited, I want to be able to eat and talk normally and not have jaw ache! I cannot wait to not have such bad jaw ache all the time, and to have the possibility that I might not get picked on or shouted at in the street for the way I look any more. I wont have to feel (as often) all of the insecurities and self loathing, anger and carry round that reserve of energy and positive thoughts to stop yourself from falling on the floor in a heap of tears and crying out "I'm a monster!" when someone does make a comment. i wont have to pick myself up (metaphorically) and say no, I'm fine, I'm lovely and carry on with my day/night out/food shop/walk to my car.... I could go on.

Then on the other hand I'm absolutely petrified of the surgery itself, having an IV placed, staying in hospital over night. I'm worried about my recovery, will I be sick, how long till I can go back to normal, will I be OK with the time off work, what will I eat, what if I get an infection?

And finally, I'm scared about how I will look, how I will feel about my new face, I'm sad to be loosing my current face, I almost feel defeated, but then I'm glad its going because of all of the above!

It's horrible, I finally understand the expression "a roller coaster of emotions"! 

I think that the positives will shine through more and more as I get closer to my date. I know I've made the right decision and I'm happy with it, but a girl can be scared cant she!? Especially a if she's a wimp! :-) 

Now to start making some lists......only 4 weeks to get myself sorted! 


  1. I love what your Dad said "...and then you have the rest of your life."
    That's I'm trying to keep telling myself.

    I'm Jessica by the way, thought I'd say hello. I'm getting braces on Friday in prep for jaw surgery. I've just found a million blogs to follow, it's amazing.

    Best of luck with everything! You're almost there.

    1. Welcome to the community :) We're all nice and won't bite.. not that we could anyway.... well, Tasha will soon... :P

    2. Hi Jessica, thank you for reading!

      It's such a funny thing, because I never thought of it like that till my dad said it. But he is right, and it will be my mantra!

      As Anthony said, it is very much a community, I was shocked to find so many people going through a similar experience to me, it is lovely to have a support network that spans the globe!

      Good luck with your braces on friday, are you writing a blog? I'd love to follow your progress if you are

    3. Thanks for the welcome guys! Here's my blog:

  2. Ummm so I need to know more about this new man of yours!! AHH so much change happening in your life it is amazing! You are so lucky you get to have surgery sooner, not many people have it pushed forward, it is usually pushed back :P

    Ps you dad sounds like quite the brilliant man!

    1. I know! I am so so so so lucky to have it bought forward!
      Hahaha the new man is wonderful, I'll PM you on FB to fill you in!
      Yes pops is a good one, he had a similar surgery to me when he was my age, he was living in south africa at the time in the 70's so the medical care and facilities were sightly behind the UK etc but he turned out fine.
      So it is handy to ask him questions and see how he coped. He was back to work after 2 weeks working as a chef! How horrible must that of been, not being able to eat solid food but cooking it all day for other people! Nightmare!

      I'm having a meeting with my surgeon and ortho tomorrow so will update soon! xxx much love!

  3. Natasha!! How wonderful for you - new awesome sounding man; new closer surgery date; and a very wise and loving Dad. You're a lucky lady. Am so excited and happy for you! Would really love to connect with you on Facebook, but have not been able to find you :(
    The next four weeks will fly, and drag at the same time. I have no doubt Natasha that with all you have endured through your life being teased and taunted so cruelly, that you are stronger than you think, and more than strong enough to get through this surgery. And - you have your very own international cheer squad. Ellie xx

    1. Thanks for the cheer squad! :-) I need it! so scared at the min. But your right i will get through this, I am strong and I have the support of my family, friends and all you lovely bloggers to help me through and make me feel strong again when I feel weak.

      I'm Tasha Sephton-Pike on FB, let me know how you get on.
      P.S you look amazing! Your doing so well! xxx

  4. All this talk of getting a partner makes me realise I need one... ANYWAY CONGRATULATIONS!!

    I'd say I can't wait to see your result pictures BUT it means losing another jaw person which makes me sad :(

    1. Hahaha thanks Anthony!

      You wont be losing me, I've got ages to go yet! Plus how am I ever going to leave behind such a wonderful group of people, with so many wonderful stories and journeys yet to happen!